Between Dawn and Death
by Rubisco
Summary: They were so alike, isolated each in his own way. But as one copes with a broken heart, the other sinks ever so slowly into darkness. It takes two, for someone to be saved. (Kenato)
1. Prologue

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it. 

Author's Note: A Kenato written by a Taito fan who's never seen season two. This should be interesting...   
Don't kill me. I did research. I read Kenato stories...and most important of all, I WILL update Enemy... 

Prologue 

People didn't live past fifty. 

That was a long time ago. A concept of the past. Modern day says you've got a hundred years, a century. 

_They didn't live past fifty.___

But it's still not enough. You couldn't go everywhere. You couldn't do everything. One career. One life. One love if you are lucky. 

_If you are lucky...___

Ichijouji Ken watched Ishida Yamato watch Yagami Taichi. 

It hadn't worked out for Yamato. Beautiful, tragic Yamato, who froze the world with a single glance, who broke hearts with a single smile. 

Ishida Yamato loved Yagami Taichi. 

Bravery. Honor. Strength. Ken hadn't imagined those things within Yamato's soft, fragile body. The other boy should have broken the night Taichi kissed Sora. He should have dropped to his knees and cried at the party where they announced their relationship. He should have tried to break them apart, tried to betray them the way they had betrayed him... 

He didn't. 

Brave Yamato, who kissed Sora on the cheek in congratulation. Strong Yamato, who shook Taichi's hand with a steady smile. Honorable Yamato, who watched his two best friends from afar and said nothing. 

And they were silent too, the rest of the digi-destined. Those who knew offered nothing. No false sympathy. No false understanding. 

_He hadn't told anyone. So let him pretend. Let us all pretend. He needs to keep his pride.___

Under the sun, lying upon freshly cut grass, Ichijouji Ken watched Ishida Yamato watch Yagami Taichi. 

"I don't understand her! It was just one project... why the hell did she fail me?" 

Sora poked Taichi in the chest. "Maybe if you did your homework once in a while..." she teased, laughing, "Yama did better than you, didn't he?" 

_Yama_. Their nick name for him. The forbidden word no one else could say. Best friends to the end. 

Sora looked at Yamato, waiting for a sarcastic comment, or just an attempt at making fun of Taichi. But she was disappointed. Yamato hardly spoke anymore. 

_You are not yourself, Yamato. You are worrying us. What's wrong?___

They gave him chances, little opportunities for him to say something, to talk, to tell them. But Yamato didn't like help, didn't like feeling weak. 

Beautiful sapphire eyes looked at them all. "I have a lot of homework to do," he said, "I'll catch you guys tomorrow." 

They watched him leave, watched his slender, delicate form walk with such grace. Golden hair shone under the sun as if from another world. Angelic Yamato, who belonged somewhere else beyond the sky. 

Ichijouji Ken watched Ishida Yamato go, with love. 

OOOOOO 

Author's Note: _Don't kill me. _I'm rewriting Chapter Nine of Enemy...for the third time... I know this is short, but it's a prologue, and at least now you all know I'm still alive. Could someone tell me, not that it's important or anything :::cough cough choke::: if Kaiser's base was destroyed after Ken turned good? Pretty please? 

Much thanks. 

Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme. 


	2. Chapter 1

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it. 

Author's Note: So, I've changed the ending to "Enemy" three times in the past 48 hours. Can't you tell I'm having trouble? When in doubt, work on new stories. Thank you everyone for your kind reviews. And now I know the Kaiser's base was as good as destroyed. This shall be very interesting...heh heh heh...just remember...uh...this piece of information has nothing to do with the story, nothing to do with the story at all... :::choke::: That's right...

Between Dawn and Death

_"...But I could not help experiencing that chill which comes over one at the coming of the dawn, which is like, in its way, the turn of the tide. They say that people who are near death die generally at the change to the dawn..."_

_- Bram Stoker, Dracula_

Chapter 1

He didn't know how beautiful he was.

He didn't know how his every tiny gesture was watched, adored. He dressed simply, in dark colored shirts and comfortable pants. Often he wore running shoes in order to escape crowds of screaming fans. He'd never traced the flawless lines of his own face, never felt the urge to run a hand through soft golden strands, or dreamed of kissing long, slender fingers. He'd never found himself trapped in the icy, endless blue of his own eyes, where thousands had lost themselves and drowned.

So, really, it wasn't that surprising how Ishida Yamato hated himself.

He was troubled. He was frigid, cruel, moody, sarcastic, selfish. He was a burden, an annoyance, an unworthy friend, a terrible son, an uncaring brother. The list goes on. But above all, no one could ever ever love him.

Stupid, stubborn, boy.

Ken looked down into his almost empty cup. There was nothing but silence in Yamato's clean kitchen.

They all came, one at a time. No one could accuse them, his closest friends, of checking up on him, even though that's exactly what they were doing. They made sure he was never alone for more than a day at a time.

"More tea?" Graceful as always. Ishida Yamato never tried to be seductive, he simply _was_.

But Ken could hear the other boy's heart breaking.

"I made more cookies today." A pale hand set the plate before him. "Try some."

_No_. Ken wanted to cry his tears for him.

He reached for a piece of chocolate brown anyway. It was Taichi's favorite.

_Yama makes such good cookies. _Taichi always said. _But they are never sweet enough._

Ken looked up into impossibly blue eyes. He was wearing black again today.

_Say something_.

"TK says your grades are slipping."

Elegant, even when he frowned.

"Does he?"

Eager, Ken knew he was too eager. But he could not help leaning over the table slightly. "I can help you with your homework."

Yamato had always been good at school. Nothing on Ken or Koushiro, of course, but he would get scholarships.

"It's not a matter of understanding," the blonde said. "I'm simply losing interest."

Not just school. He was losing interest in everything. He received his long string of guests as if he wasn't there. He hardly ever met anyone's eyes anymore.

_Taichi_. Ken felt his body wilt. _It always came back to Taichi_.

He remembered a time when Yamato was happy, or as happy as anyone had ever seen him. Taichi and Yamato had been inseparable. You didn't see one without the other. Everyone believed they would get together some day. And Ken. Ken had caught them sharing secret smiles.

_You want him then? You think he's just another piece of land you can conquer? He all ready belongs to someone else._

Kaiser.

"Why are you losing interest, Yamato?" He wanted to say "Yama" so badly. But that name belonged to Taichi, like his heart.

Such beautiful eyes. _What do you see with your beautiful eyes, Yamato?_

"Why shouldn't I lose interest?" The counter question came so easy, so steady. No one could beat Ishida Yamato at hide and seek.

_What happiness is there in being selfless? You didn't conquer by being kind._

Dangerous. Yamato was dangerous. The only one not afraid was Taichi. The only one Yamato would ever soften for was Taichi.

_Are you jealous? You think you can own him?_

Demon.

"You love astronomy. TK told me. Anything to do with the sky interests you. Why the change of heart?"

_I'm not afraid of him._

"I don't like explaining myself."

_I love him._

Ken looked steadily into Yamato's face and said nothing. He didn't know the only other person who'd taken that icy gaze without flinching was Taichi.

_Whatever love is._

OOOOOO

_Scrub scrub scrub._

Yamato sighed and wiped his forehead. He'd never had this much trouble with a stain before.

_Scrub scrub scrub._

Cleaning was the only thing that kept him from thinking. And Yamato didn't want to ever think again.

There was a knock at the door.

Yamato froze for a brief moment. His hair was messy, his face and hands streaked with dust. Normally, he would rather die than answer the door looking like this. But he didn't care anymore.

Who was it this time? Ken again? Takeru? They knew something was wrong and wouldn't leave him alone.

Taichi hardly ever came by now.

He opened the door.

And stared.

_No. I don't want to deal with this._

"Hello, Yama."

Sora. It took more than he thought it would to paste that fake smile on his face. "What are you doing here? Come in and have a cup of tea."

She stepped into the apartment, her expression stern. "Save it, Ishida."

He forced a laugh, though he knew it would be useless. "I thought you liked tea."

"Yama."

She was going to turn all motherly on him, lecture him about one thing or another. Yamato winced inwardly.

"What's wrong with you?"

He turned away from her. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

He stared at the ceiling. "Fine, I'm depressed. Happy?"

"Why are you depressed?"

He tried not to roll his eyes. "No reason. I like this mood."

Sora grabbed his shoulder, forced him to look at her.

"You had a fight with Taichi?"

"Don't be silly."

"You are mad at us?"

"Of course not."

She thought for a long time, and Yamato watched her suspiciously.

A gasp. "You are in love? And the girl wouldn't go out with you?"

Growling, Yamato shrugged her off and stomped towards his room.

"Where are you going?"

He answered without stopping. "I've had enough. I'm going to take a nap. When you think you've figured out what's wrong with me, please be kind enough to let me know."

"Yama!"

He slammed the door to his room. He laid down but did not sleep.

A few minutes later he heard Sora come in.

"Yama. Are you lonely? I know Taichi doesn't spend as much time with you as he used to. It must be hard watching us. You are feeling left out."

_Go away. I'm letting you be happy with Tai. But leave me alone._

"You need a girlfriend."

His eyes snapped open. "What?"

Sora smiled wickedly. "Who _doesn't_ want the Ishida Yamato?"

She started to leave.

"Don't you dare!" Yamato called after her.

She looked back at him, amused. "We can have double dates. It'll be fun."

"No!"

But she was gone.

Yamato slumped back into his bed. "God must hate me."

OOOOOO

So Taichi and Sora conspired like little children. Girl after girl was picked out, carefully. They'd drag Yamato to parties, gatherings, soccer games. The introductions would be made, and then with mischievous grins they would sneak off, confident that this might be the one.

Still Yamato said nothing. He rejected each victim firmly but kindly. And the rest of the digi-destined could only watch.

_Time. They all need more time._

OOOOOO

"You turned down that redhead? What a shame. She's really pretty."

"Hunted me down, little brother?" Yamato asked without opening his eyes. He was sitting under a large tree in the school yard, cross legged, trying to think.

Takeru sat down beside him. "How much longer are you going to let this go? You have to tell him, Onii-chan."

"I don't know what you are talking about. Don't you have better things to do during lunch break then following your brother? Hikari might get worried."

Takeru blushed faintly, then glared. "You have to tell him."

"Tell who what?"

"Tell Taichi you love him!"

He'd finally managed to shock his brother into silence. Yamato bit his lip. He was very quiet.

"Will you do it?"

Yamato's mouth was set in a stubborn line. "No."

"Why?"

He leaned back against the trunk of the tree. "They are happy together. Why make them feel guilty?"

"Why torture yourself like this?"

"Mother always said I'd die a lonely old man. I don't see any reason to prove her wrong."

Takeru stood, jaw clenched in frustration. "You can be really stupid. You know that, Onii-chan?"

Yamato waited until he was almost out of hearing range before speaking again. "If you tell anyone what you know, then I'll never forgive you. Understand?"

For a moment Takeru looked like he wanted to turn back, but then he was off again.

Yamato closed his eyes again. He felt more depressed than usual, enough to write poetry. Maybe he should work on another song.

OOOOOO

Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.


	3. Chapter 2

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it. 

Author's Note: I feel the need to complain. Let's see...it's too cold these days. I have too much homework. I really want an apple right now and there are no apples in the house. I'm suffering from pre midterm stress, which helped me finish this chapter but did _nothing_ to make me finish reading my notes, which I should probably do after I post this...hmm...what _did _happen to all the acetate ions? We didn't count them in pH? Why not? Because of equilibrium? O.o

Thanks for all your kind comments.

Between Dawn and Death

_"The memories we elude catch up to us, overtake us like a shadow. A truth appears suddenly in the middle of a thought, a hair on a lens."_

_- Anne Michaels, Fugitive Pieces_

Chapter 2

It wasn't long before Taichi went to visit Yamato. He wasn't surprised.

"She was nice!"

"I know."

"They are good girls, every one of them. None of your clingy fans."

"I know."

"Then why won't you give any of them a chance?"

"Because."

"Look. I've known you for a long time, Yama, and I'm not afraid to say I hate the crap you pull."

"I'm not afraid to hear you say it."

A pause as Taichi tried to comprehend. Yamato could feel him staring at his back.

"Turn around. Look at me."

Commanding. Only Taichi would speak in that tone to him, confident he would get away with it. Yamato didn't move.

"Look at me and tell me why."

Bitterness rose up in his chest. Like fire. Like pain.

He spun around so fast the room looked less than a blur. His words were calm, cold, carefully controlled. "I'm gay."

There was shock but no resentment, surprise but no anger, no disgust. Then Taichi began to laugh.

Yamato glared.

"Is this it, Yama? Why didn't you tell us sooner? Oh Sora will have a fit! To think we've been looking for the wrong gender this entire time!"

Yamato kept glaring.

"What? You thought we would have a problem with this? Silly! Of course not! Don't worry, plenty of guys out there. Who doesn't want Ishida Yamato?"

"Tai," he said in a warning tone.

An innocent grin. "Don't be so shy, Yama. I'll see you around." He left.

The room had darkened and cooled with the coming of the night before Yamato moved. His forehead touched cold glass and he looked blindly out the window. A tear slid down the smooth pale cheek, then another. Two little gems in the moonlight. Like twins.

OOOOOO

So Taichi and Sora conspired like little children. Boy after boy was picked out, carefully. Nothing but the best for their friend. It became harder to drag Yamato out, harder to keep track of him. But they managed it, sometimes.

The rest of the digi-destined began to exchange looks.

_Too far it has gone. Too far._

OOOOOO

He was doing it again.

He needed it more and more. He was going insane. Ken faced himself in the darkness of his room, a different self. A self that was not part of him at all yet shared his body, his mind, his heart.

The Kaiser laughed. _I thought you weren't talking to me?_

Shut up.

_I exist. To face me like this, to search me out is to admit I exist._

You exist. And you will never die.

Another laugh. His own voice echoed in his head. _Still thinking about Ishida, hmm? You come to me more and more now. Aren't you afraid I'll take over again?_

You won't.

He could see the deathly grin, the gleaming teeth on the insides of his eyelids. _I will, because you are letting me, Ken. You are no longer kind. You no longer care. A fragile soul is all that is keeping you back, a slender white hand, a beautiful face, blue eyes._

Blue eyes.

_He doesn't love you._

Shut up.

_And when you give in to me, when you let me free once more, I'll make him ours. Isn't that what you want? What you think when you look at him? Mine mine mine._

I won't let you hurt him.

_My foolish little boy. I AM you. You ARE me. You will help me possess him. Because we both want him._

Tears slid down his cheeks. Helpless, so helpless. A prisoner to himself. Battles everyday.

_I'd make a coronet out of that golden hair. You'd like it. You'd wear it. And when he stares up at you with his wide, blue eyes, when those lips tremble ever so slightly, whispering "Why, why why?", I'd catch his lovely tears in a little wine glass. You'd like that too. You'd drink them._

Stop it. Stop it.

_And then YOU would tremble when that whip lies across his bare skin, like a narrow cloud over the pale face of the moon. He is like the moon, isn't he? So soft and beautiful. You'd smile at his tiny cries. And when I'm done you'd lean over to lick away the trails of blood. His blood would smell like roses, don't you think? Crimson, glistening roses, so fresh, so-_

"No!" He'd cried out aloud.

_He will belong to you. To me. He is mine._

No...

_Mine mine mine._

Help me, someone. Help.

MINE MINE MINE.

Yamato...

OOOOOO

_I am so clever. I didn't even wait for hell to find me before I threw myself at it. Whatever will people think?_

Yamato threw an arm over his closed eyes. He had no desire to get out of bed.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

_Go away. It's Sunday. Sleep, play soccer, have a picnic. Leave me alone._

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Yamato didn't move.

The distinct clink of keys. Only TK had the key to his apartment.

The door opened. "Onii-chan?"

_Nope. Not here. Gone._

"You sure he's home?" Hikari.

"His jacket is here." God, did Ken come too?

_Someone somewhere, get me a cup of coffee. Please._

His bedroom door swung open. Damn this apartment. No locks.

"How rude of me," he managed hoarsely. "I didn't even make tea today."

"Are you sick, Onii-chan?"

"No, not really." He sounded better now. That's good. Wouldn't want Taichi's little sister to know what a mess he was. To screw up in front of Hikari was to screw up in front of Taichi. Worse, even, because Hikari wasn't as dense as her brother.

_Idiot._

"I believe I'm suffering from something called acute laziness. It seems to show itself most often on Sundays, when I am _not_ expecting company."

_Way to go, Ishida. Make them feel guilty, now, won't you? Never thought you were THAT desperate._

"Stop hiding, Yamato. Everyone knows."

And here he was just thinking Hikari was an innocent, kind little girl. Dating TK must have been bad for her. How cruel.

"Who knows about what?"

He sat up, straightening his nightshirt, hanging on even now to the shreds of his dignity.

_I am a god. And no one can hurt me._

"Tell Taichi now. Or one of us will. Things can't go on like this, Yamato. You'll destroy yourself."

Tell Taichi? Hurt Taichi?

_No._

"No."

"Onii-chan, please. Be reasonable."

_Reason. That's it. I've lost my reason._

OOOOOO

They left the Ishida apartment in silence. Defeated. Hikari walked with Takeru. Ken trailed behind. Forgotten.

Yamato, hair in disorder. Yamato, dark shadows under his eyes. Yamato, thin and pale like death.

Ken stopped walking. Ahead of him, Hikari and Takeru disappeared around a bend.

_Taichi. All his fault. Taichi's fault._

OOOOOO

Author's Note: Hope Ken's in character. _Really _hope Ken's in character. But there's angst, right? That's good, right? And I finished "Enemy" right? So no one's mad at me, right? I'm gonna study for my Chem midterm now. I can get A plus in that class...right?

Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.


	4. Chapter 3

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it. 

Author's Note: Uh...was I supposed to say something interesting? Um, here, I love Yama. That good enough? And oh, thanks for the feedback. /Author falls over sleeping/

Between Dawn and Death

_"As long as you keep getting born, it's all right to die sometimes."_

_- Orson Scott Card, Speaker For the Dead_

Chapter 3

"TK." Taichi didn't look surprised when he opened the door. But Takeru didn't expect him to.

"I'll go get Kari." The older boy turned to go.

"Wait." Takeru stepped into the apartment, bending down to untie his shoes. "I didn't come to see Kari today. I came to see you."

Now Taichi _did_ look surprised. He raised an eyebrow.

"Your room, the kitchen, or the living room?" Takeru asked calmly.

"The kitchen," Taichi answered. His expression was troubled.

They made their way to the kitchen table. Taichi poured apple juice for the both of them, and they sat.

Takeru fixed Taichi with a serious gaze. "Onii-chan will kill me for this, but I cannot simply watch and do nothing. What I am doing now I do out of love for him. It is my duty, as his brother."

Taichi sipped his drink. "I'm listening."

"Yamato is in love with you."

There was a loud crash as the glass in Taichi's hand slipped and shattered on the tiled floor. Neither of them glanced at the spilled liquid. Taichi stared at Takeru, and Takeru stared right back.

"What?" Taichi whispered into the silence.

"You heard me."

Taichi closed his eyes. "He didn't tell me."

Takeru smiled bitterly. "He wanted you to be happy, with Sora."

There was understanding in Taichi's eyes. "I hurt him."

"You did."

"I'm still hurting him."

"You are. And I'm asking you to stop."

Taichi started to clean up the mess he'd made.

"I'm an idiot."

"Sometimes."

"Do you...forgive me?"

Takeru smiled. "There's nothing to forgive, Tai."

OOOOOO

He felt very thin, and not just physically. Ghost like. _That's good_. He reflected. _Ghosts don't have hearts._

The phone calls and meetings had suddenly stopped. No more match making on Taichi and Sora's part. And now Taichi himself was in his apartment, in his room.

"So once again I get to speak to your back. What great honor you give me."

Yamato felt a feeble smile tug at the corners of his lips. Taichi being sarcastic? Yamato must have been a better teacher than he thought.

"Why are you here?"

A rustling of cloth behind him as Taichi shifted nervously.

"TK told me."

_Of course. Little brother can't stay out of my business._

"He meant well, Yama. And in any case, _I _should be mad at _you_ for not telling me yourself."

"I felt no need to complicate the situation."

"You felt the need to torture yourself, you mean."

_Yes._

The silence that followed was deafening.

"I love Sora."

"I know."

Warm arms wrapped around his waist. Yamato breathed in Taichi's scent and tried not to cry.

"My best friend," Taichi whispered. "Always my best friend."

Yamato turned in Taichi's embrace, feeling the strong heart beats of the other boy.

No, he didn't think ghosts had hearts. _But **I **have a heart, though I wish I don't._

OOOOOO

_I'd put roses in his hair, red roses, of course. The thorns would make delicate lines across his white skin, to match them. He'd be beautiful. White, red, and gold. He's a piece of art, Ken. OUR piece of art._

Ours.

OOOOOO

"I finished reading a play today."

"And that's exciting because..."

"Sit still, Dai. I'm trying to confide in you."

"Wah?"

"You know, asking for support, advice, and talking for the sake of staying sane? It's what best friends do."

"...Whatever you say, Ken."

"Hikari's not looking at you, Dai. Eat your ice cream before it melts."

"But she knows I'm here. I waved."

"You are pathetic."

"Hmph."

"Anyway. About this play, this is the fourth time I've read it."

"...Why would you read a play more than once?"

"Because it's Shakespeare."

"Wait! I know that guy! You told me about that thing he wrote where this guy kills his father and marries his mother..."

"That's Oedipus, Dai. _Sophocles_ wrote that one."

"Hmph. They are all strange."

"Now, to get to my point..."

"You had a point?"

"...Dai..."

"Okay, so you read this thing more than once. And?"

"I understand more now, about how everything is messed up beyond repair."

"Everything?"

"Lear had three daughters. Only one truly loved him, but he disowned her."

"That _is_ messed up."

"You think so?"

"It's rather stupid of him."

"People do stupid things, Dai."

"Nah, not me. I'm too smart to do stupid things."

"So walking in a straight line while turning your head to stare at Hikari until you smack into a metal pole doesn't qualify as a stupid thing?"

"_That doesn't count! _It was an accident."

"Okay..."

"And if I ever had such a good daughter, I wouldn't be stupid enough to disown her."

"What if you didn't know which ones truly loved you? And she couldn't express herself with words?"

"I still wouldn't have done it."

"Sometimes, I wonder if things could be different."

"Yeah, like why couldn't she make a cake or something for him instead?"

"I mean, if I haven't done some of the things I did, would I be a different person? Would you?"

"And if she made it chocolate, then I'm _sure_ he'd know she loved him the most..."

"You can never predict anything, and by the time you realize the danger, it's much too late..."

"_I _would like a chocolate cake."

"Lear had it easy."

"Oh? What happened to him?"

"He died..."

"Oh..."

"Dai?"

"Hmm?"

"Am I a bad person?"

"That's a stupid question."

"Really?"

"No one's _all _good, Ken. Not even angels."

"How do you know?"

"I just...know."

"Dai?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you ever hate me?"

"No."

"Even if I were to do something horrible?"

"No. Because I would know that once, for a time at least, you were a good person, and I thought of you as a friend..."

"Thanks, Dai..."

"No problem. Hey, there's a pretty dandelion over there. You think Hikari might like it?"

OOOOOO

It was late afternoon when Mr. Ishida got off a plane from Paris and called a taxi at the airport. He was a middle aged man made older by the permanent dark shadows under his eyes. His black hair had started to turn gray, though he hid the fact well with a limitless amount of hair dye.

He ran a hand tiredly over his brow, trying to remember what day it was. The taxi driver was kind enough to carry his luggage to the trunk and he slumped into the back seat.

"Where to, sir?"

He mumbled an address. _Home_, he realized with a pang, _I'm going home._

But it didn't feel like home. He went there so rarely it felt more like a place, and he a stranger. _Yamato_, he reminded himself, _I have a son_.

Two sons, actually. One that he was not allowed to see, and one that he never sees.

_Yamato only believed in Santa Clause for a day, because his father never told him, and because when he found out from a friend on Christmas eve that he should put out milk and cookies, his father wasn't there to eat them. There were no presents either._

"We are here, sir."

Sighing, Mr. Ishida paid the fee. He dragged himself up the stairway and into the apartment.

"Yamato?"

A thin lump uncoiled itself from where it rested on the couch. Mr. Ishida turned on a lamp and stared into Yamato's pale face.

"You are back early." His voice was hoarse.

Mr. Ishida reached out to touch Yamato's heated forehead.

"What's wrong? You seem sick."

"I'm fine."

_I should have spent more time with you. You grew up before I could make time. You were out of my reach before I even thought of holding on._

"You finished that story in France already?"

"Yeah, but I have to go back to the TV station tomorrow."

Yamato adjusted himself so he was more comfortable sitting up.

"Of course."

There was an awkward silence in which he didn't know what to say.

"I didn't make supper," Yamato stated.

"It's all right. We can have take out."

"I haven't done laundry, either."

He stroked the golden locks hesitantly. "I'll get it later. You should rest."

"I can take care of myself!"

_No, you can't. And I haven't been taking good care of you for years._

Mr. Ishida reached for the phone book to order some food, wondering all the while, when everything had gone wrong.

OOOOOO

Author's Note: And here I am, wondering when everything had gone so SO wrong with my Chem lab. I don't even have the right exponents for the Ksp values I'm supposed to estimate. Can experimental error get me out of this one? I am oh so screwed.

Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.


	5. Chapter 4

Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it. 

Author's Note: Uh...

Thanks to those who reviewed. As always, your encouragement keeps me writing.

Between Dawn and Death

_"When a man dies, his secrets bond like crystals, like frost on a window. His last breath obscures the glass."_

_- Anne Michaels, Fugitive Pieces_

Chapter 4

_You have allowed yourself to become weak._

Please...

_You have undone all that I have worked for. What happened to your heart of stone, Ken? WHAT HAPPENED?_

I beg you...

_No matter. We can start over. I can make you strong again. All shall tremble in fear at the whisper of my name. OUR name._

Kaiser...

_And Ishida shall be by our side. Only his beauty is deserving of the power we hold._

Don't hurt him...

_How much longer can you resist me, Ken? How much longer can you keep me locked here in the darkness?_

Oh God, Yamato. Get away from me. Get away...

OOOOOO

The world had changed. Or perhaps, the world had stayed the same. Only he had changed. Yamato sighed gently, tapping his pencil lightly against the blank page in his notebook. Around him, over him, the teacher's voice flowed away.

Life droned on, one second at a time. Live a day, lose a day. Sooner or later you will have no more days to lose, no more days to live. It's called death. Sorry, time's up.

How pointless then, to spend his seconds, his minutes so mechanically. He ate. He slept. He walked as if in a daze. He wrote songs. He sang. He went to school. He sat in class. Then he ate again, slept again, walked circle after circle of the same events, the same movements. Colors dulled. Everything felt...grey.

They have a name for this too, he supposed. It's called depression.

_Tired of living already? How sad. You are barely seventeen._

"Ishida."

He blinked. Once, then twice. The class stared at him.

"Yes?"

"Please answer my question."

He shifted casually. No one could beat Ishida Yamato at hide and seek.

"I'm sorry."

"You haven't been paying attention for the last fifteen minutes."

"I'm sorry."

The teacher sighed and turned back to the board. "See me after class."

A nod, nothing more. He never tried to explain himself. What was the point, anyway?

The teacher didn't look up as he approached her desk after class. "Yamato."

He straightened. "Yes."

"What happened?"

He blinked.

"You were doing so well. What happened to make your marks drop so? You used to pay attention in class, too."

He didn't say anything, just stared back calmly until she looked away.

"Fine, I won't push you, but I will also not tolerate this lack of effort. I teach an advanced class. Get a tutor, pull your grades up, or you are out."

"I don't need a tutor."

She studied his face for a moment. "Get one, or I will assign one to you. Plenty of girls would love to tutor Ishida Yamato, no?"

He gritted his teeth. Even the teachers knew of his unwanted popularity. Life sucked.

He didn't answer, just walked away. She didn't need him to say anything, because they both knew she had won.

OOOOOO

"Why won't you ask him?"

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

"Onii-chan, do you really want some love-sick girl to help you with advanced Chemistry?"

"That's for me to know and none of your business."

"What are you so afraid of?"

Yamato leaned back against the tree trunk, his legs dangling gracefully from the branch he was perched on. He closed his eyes and let the cool breeze play with his golden hair. "I don't ask favors."

"Ken is a _friend_, Oniichan, friends help each other out."

"Is that so?"

Takeru let out a long sigh of frustration and turned to leave.

"TK."

"What?" He grit out.

"Mom and dad has both given up on me. Why not you?"

He whirled around to stare coldly at his brother. "If you would just open your eyes and look for once, Oniichan, then maybe you'll see all the people in this world who truly love and care about you."

Yamato showed no sign of movement, but his lips curved ever so slightly in the beginnings of a smile. "You still love me?"

"Of course I do. Just as you love me, Oniichan. Family, that's what we are until the end. And don't you dare forget it." He left then, left without looking back. This was how he missed the full smile on Yamato's lips.

Ishida Yamato rarely smiled. But even angels could not smile like that.

OOOOOO

"I see." Ken tensed.

Trouble.

"He's too proud to ask you himself, so I'm asking for him. Would you tutor my brother? I'm sure he trusts you more than some clingy fan girl. I mean, you'd never jump him, or anything."

_Oh Takeru, how wrong you are..._

I'm going to say no.

_Oh Ken, how stupid you are..._

Anything to keep him away from YOU.

_Like you have any hold over me._

Laughter echoed in his head. Ken watched in horror as his mouth moved to form the words.

"Sure, I'd love to."

OOOOOO

He was wearing a neat blue shirt, black jeans, white socks.

_Beautiful._

"Come in." A turn of his head, golden bangs falling lightly over blue eyes, a hand loosened from the open door, and his scent carried over on an invisible breeze as he walked gracefully into the kitchen.

Ken trembled.

"Tea?"

_He can be yours. Reach out. Take him._

"That's all right."

_Take him._

"Thanks for coming, Ken."

_Take him!_

OOOOOO

"The C-H bonds in methane?"

"Sp3 hybridized."

"What about when carbon forms a double bond?"

"Unhybridized p orbital, 3 Sp2 bonds, double bond made of one pi bond and one sigma bond."

Ken smirked. "You know an awful lot for someone whose grades are slipping."

Yamato shrugged. "I said I didn't need a tutor."

"Your teacher disagrees."

A thin line formed over his lips. "Sure does. But then that's why you are here, right?"

Deep blue eyes looked straight at him, piercing in their brightness.

_So fierce. Yet so delicate. Are you really just going to let him go?_

"Right." Ken looked away. "I better be going then. Same time next week?"

A nod of confirmation.

Ken paused as he saw Yamato put away his notes and pick up his guitar.

"Are you going to practice now?"

Another nod.

Long fingers caressed the strings gently, as if touching a lover. Ken couldn't move away, couldn't tear his eyes away. Yamato's eyes were closed, his mind already somewhere else.

His throat suddenly dry, Ken asked a question no one had ever dared ask Ishida Yamato before. "Cou...could you sing a song...for me?"

Slowly Yamato turned, slowly his eyes opened, studying the younger boy intently for a moment. "I have a concert tonight," he said finally. "I'll get you a free ticket."

Anger. Jealousy. They burned white hot in his chest as he turned without a word and walked away.

Because deep down, Ken knew Yamato would have sung for Taichi.

OOOOOO

Author's Note: Aww, aren't they just so cute?

Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.


End file.
